If you could fight anyone, who would you fight?

It used to be Sarah Palin, but now I'd fight this guy:

You can just tell he's a whiny, doughy little shit.

The New York Times published an article about this guy's major beef with same-sex marriage last week, and it's actually pretty impartial considering the subject material.  Some truly disgusting things have sprung from this man's delusional mind and filthy lying mouth:


“When you knock over a core pillar of society like marriage, and then try to redefine biblical views of marriage as bigotry, there will be consequences,” Mr. Brown warned last August in a fund-raising letter. “Will one of the consequences be a serious push to normalize pedophilia?” 

 I do not have the faintest idea how he makes that connection. How do you even begin to argue with something so blatantly slanderous and untrue?  Yeah, homosexuals and pedophiles are right there on the same page of the DSM, that makes perfect sense.  I'm sure he's thrown bestiality into the mix at some point as well.  It would make me feel a little less bad about humanity if I took apart this statement piece by piece, but that won't help anything.  Either this guy thinks that what he's saying is God's honest truth, in which case he needs serious medical help, or he is trying to manipulate the societal laws of this country for his own perverse reasons and therefore represents everything that is bad about everything, and his statements are merely meant to be inflammatory, not debatable.

And precisely what is the problem with same-sex marriage?

When the justices hear oral arguments in the case on Tuesday, Mr. Brown — unfazed by polls showing that a majority of Americans disagree with him — will be on the court’s marble steps, leading a march that he hopes will draw thousands who believe, as he does, that gay unions hurt children and threaten religious freedom. 

Oh, weird, there are no details on how exactly gay unions hurt children or threaten religious freedom, I guess we should believe that they 'just do'.  I mean, I guess I could see how the children of gay folks, who may be more inclined to see that gay men and women are fellow human beings and not 'abominations', would maybe realize that the ol' Bible got a few things wrong and may not be right about Adam and Eve either, or the age of the earth, etc., and oops, there goes another possible conservative christian zealot.

There is a whole mess of things keeping this poor guy up at night:

If same-sex marriage becomes a cultural norm, Mr. Brown warns, heterosexual couples will no longer have preference over gay men and lesbians in adoptions, schoolchildren will be taught that same-sex parenting is normal, and those who oppose it will be labeled bigots. Already he worries about his safety and that of his handful of employees, which is why there is a security lock on his office door. 

First, as we all know, there is a long history of gay men and women rising up at the slightest provocation and lynching every conservative christian they can get their hands on.  You won't hear it from the liberal media, but every mass shooting in the past five years has been perpetrated by a militant homosexual, angry that their mission of turning every schoolchild gay by 2015 isn't going as well as they'd hoped.

Oh wait, that's not the case at all.  I must be thinking of something THAT DOESN'T EXIST.

As to his fear that breeder couples will have to share the adoptable children of the world equally with the non-breeders, I have an argument that may sound mean, but hear me out: if you and your opposite-sex, married-in-the-eyes-of-God spouse cannot naturally conceive a child and/or cannot carry one to term, then what more solid proof do you need that your God does not intend for you to reproduce or to be a parent?  It seems like a pretty obvious message.  I'm not saying that non-fertile couples don't deserve to raise children, I'm just saying that you may be a hypocrite if you try to have it both ways.

Also, there is a very good reason why people who oppose the concept of same-sex parenting are labeled bigots: BECAUSE THEY ARE.  If it looks like a duck...
(I feel bad using the 'looks like a duck' expression about this particular bigot because I happen to like ducks quite a lot, but if the shoe fits...dammit, wait, I like shoes too.)

Anyway, back to my main point: if I could fight anyone, I'd fight this guy, because Jebus says that if I plant a boot into one of his cheeks, he has to turn the other one and I'd get to do it again, wooo!  I must, though, take some slight solace from the fact that on the matter of gay marriage, we're mainly just waiting for the bigots to die off, and in 10 years schoolkids will take it for granted and wonder what all the fuss was about in the first place.

Thanks for reading, and remember: super quiet, super awesome.